Just A Bunch Of Stupid Nintendo Direct Predictions - TheGamer

fijars.blogspot.com

As you’re probably aware, there’s a Nintendo Direct happening tonight. We know it focuses on Q1 games, so we can make some pretty safe guesses about what we’ll see. Kirby, due out in March, is a shoo-in to feature, while it seems likely we’ll get an update on Mario + Rabbids as well. While Nintendo has promised Q1 is on the menu, don’t be surprised if Splatoon 3, Breath of the Wild 2, or Mario Kart 9 make an appearance as well.

Do be surprised, however, if some of the absolutely wild ‘predictions’ being made by insiders and leakers come true. While the Direct’s running order has leaked in part for previous Directs, and there are a handful of credible insiders who actually know what they’re talking about, for the most part it’s all guesswork for clout. So, here we are trying to get a slice of the pie for ourselves with these completely real leaks we got from our uncle at Nintendo.

Mario Game

I know what you’re thinking. “Here, The Gamer, everyone knows Nintendo are always making Mario games, this doesn’t feel like a particularly interesting prediction.” Well, first of all, it’s TheGamer, no spaces. Thanks. Secondly, this isn’t just any Mario game. I’m not talking Mario Kart 9 nor Mario Rabbids. Not a new Mario Odyssey or Mario Strikers coming hot on the heels of Mario Golf. Instead, it’s a Mario shooter. I just can’t figure out from the totally real leaks I have totally seen for real whether or not that means you give Mario a gun or you get a gun and have to shoot Mario. Either way, I’m sold.

Batman On Switch

Again, I know what you’re thinking. “Here, TheGamer, this leaked already - everyone knows it’s coming!” First off, thank you for remembering the whole ‘no spaces’ thing. Secondly, it was the Batman Arkham games that leaked. What I’m talking about is Batman: Dark Tomorrow, launched in 2003 for the GameCube and the original Xbox. Enjoy! It’s terrible.

Bayonetta 4

We were kept waiting a long time on Bayonetta 3 and the devs are eager not to make the same mistake twice. That’s why, just a few months after revealing Bayonetta 3, they’re going to reveal Bayonetta 4 as well. The twist for this one is Bayonetta leans even further into her emo phase and dyes her hair with Manic Panic, so she’s pink now. Just after Bayonetta 4, Nintendo also announces Metroid Prime 5, but then immediately delays it forever.

Every Pokemon Is An NFT

Just kidding. Can you imagine, though?

A Bunch Of Really Cool Indies We All Say Look Great But Then Never Play

Hey, I'm just being honest, okay? We all want to be the hip cat, the connoisseur. The guy who says their favourite movie is The Hustler when it's actually Fast & Furious 7. A new indie game will appear, and we'll all act like it's our most anticipated game from the Direct, even though it's actually the new Mario shooter. Remember Neon White, the slick indie game we all fell in love with in the last Direct? Yeah, that came out already. None of you played it.

I mean, it didn't. But you just had to go look to make sure, didn't you?

Everyone Gets A Car

Literally everyone watching gets a car.

God Of War Ragnarok Is Now A Switch Exclusive

Look, if all the other leakers get to make a stupid prediction then so do I. Jim Ryan arrives at the direct, hand in hand with Doug Bowser, and they both hold up a picture of Phil Spencer then tear it up. In response to the Activision Blizzard King acquisition by Microsoft, Nintendo and Sony are teaming up to keep Xbox on its toes. As a result, God of War Raganrok is now on Switch. Conversely, Bayonetta 4 is exclusive to the PS5. Also it just got delayed forever.

Kirby

Just, like, Kirby. What more is there to say?

Next: Which Region Deserves The Pokemon Legends Treatment Next?

Italian Senate Accidentally Plays 30 Seconds Of NSFW Tifa Lockhart Video

Zoom vandalism has reached an unsurprising new low.

Related Topics

About The Author

Stacey Henley (1032 Articles Published)

Stacey Henley is the Editor-in-Chief at TheGamer, and can often be found journeying to the edge of the Earth, but only in video games. Find her on Twitter @FiveTacey